A Reason To Be
by swirling-embers
Summary: One-shot: Set after the end of Series 2 series spoilers . Robin and the remaining Outlaws are finding it hard to come to terms with their losses...


**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in my story, they are all from the BBC Robin hood series**

**Please review as this is my fist story - I hope you enjoy it!**

A Reason To Be

Water lapped at the waxen planks; up and down the length of the boat, searching one fault, one mistake where it could break through. Overhead sea birds glided on the air currents, the breeze pulling the wooden boat along.

This was the English Channel.

In the hold of the boat the four passengers were nearing their journey's end, but nothing in their appearances betrayed any emotions of happiness. Three of the men sat around a candle-lit table, the light crudely illuminating their cheerless faces. The last man sat further away in the shadows, shrouded in anger and grief.

Robin Hood had spent most of their journey home this way. He had become isolated from the others, preferring to keep to his own thoughts.

"Much, go find out how far it is now."

Allan's words broke the silence and for a moment even Robin stirred and looked towards the small group.

_They need a leader, someone to guide them, someone to tell them that everything will be all right. But it's not. It should be me; I should be there for them. But I can't. Little John was wrong. We are not Robin Hood. __**I**__ am not Robin Hood…_

Unable to protest, Much opened the hatch. Sunlight flooded into the hold and the four men were bathed in warm brightness. The light brought them little happiness and they were almost glad when the hatch closed and plunged them once more into near darkness. Each man returned to his own thoughts, unable to conjure words suitable to end the distancing silence between them. Marian's death had been hard on all of them and they had found it virtually impossible to then leave Will and Djaq, but had drawn some comfort from the knowledge that they were happy together. Their once high spirited gang of Outlaws had been reduced to four, and the mood between them had changed greatly.

Before long Much returned to the group and announced that they would soon reach the port. His face was unshaved and his brow was furrowed with worry und confusion. He was Robin's best and most loyal friend, and yet he did not know how to console him. Much had had become more and more fretful as Robin refused to return from his grief and take control once more. As Robin's situation had worsened, so had Much's and he now felt wholly responsible for all that had happened.

_I failed him. He needed me and I failed him. I could have saved her. I __**know **__I could've, if only I'd been in the courtyard. I should comfort him; I've been his servant for years, I've been beside him all the way. I always thought I knew him, knew him better than anyone else. Why don't I know how to help? Why can't I help?_

Soon a call went up; they had reached port. Before long the boat was secured and one of the crew removed the hatch door so they could leave. The four men stepped out into the late afternoon sunshine, a sudden breeze filling their noses with the strong scent of fish and sea. The change in surroundings did little to brighten Robin's mood. Much felt encouraged by the noise of the wheeling seagulls and calling merchants. He began to talk, hardly caring what he said, just glad for the chance to lighten the mood. As they walked through the port Much grew in confidence and he decided to talk about what they should eat.

"Much, shut up!"

Little John's response was automatic and the tension between Much, Little John and Allan broke immediately. The corner of Robin's mouth twitched momentarily, but this was still not enough to raise him out of his sadness. As they continued walking, the other three began talking earnestly about anything and everything, eager not to let the conversation slip away. Robin listened to the pitches of their voices changing, as each man spoke, but he felt a lump in his throat and he was unable to join in.

As they stepped onto the Portsmouth Road the four men stopped. At sight of the road conversation had dwindled and now they stood silently in a line, looking in the direction on Nottingham. The journey would take a long time on foot and none of them knew exactly what they would do once they arrived. The three Outlaws looked towards Robin Hood in hope that he would lead them. He did not acknowledge their gazes and instead took a few steps forward onto the road. His brow was creased as he looked at the tree bordering both sides of the path. Their leaves were rustling as they waved their outstretched arms in the direction of the Outlaw's destination. Everything was telling Robin to return home, but he could not. Not without Marian.

High up in a tree to the back of the men, at the very tip of a waving finger, a single leaf was plucked from the body. It twisted and turned as it danced towards the Outlaws, caught in a seemingly endless fight with the wind for its freedom. It briefly touched Robin's cheek, gently tracing the edge of his jaw, before dropping further and landing at his feet.

Robin crouched down to look at the leaf, at its green shape which greatly contrasted the golden dirt of the road. Thread-like veins spread through the leaf, its life systems that had become useless the very instant it was separated from its living body. Gently, Robin reached out at picked it up.

In an instant he was swept back to that day, lifetimes ago, where had proposed to Marian. Under those great sweeping Beech boughs he had finally built up the courage to ask her, to share with her the emotions he had always felt. To love her.

Robin rubbed the tears from his eyes slowly, as if to try and stop the memory from receding. Slowly he stood up and turned to the others. To their astonishment a small smile played across his lips, not of joy or happiness but of peace and reason. In that instant he knew what he must do, for he was Robin Hood.


End file.
